A Natural Emotion
We've all felt it: sometimes as an annoyance or as rage
Anger is a normal, healthy human emotion. But when it gets out of control it can lead to problems at work, in your personal relationships, and in your quality of your life. You may feel at the mercy of a powerful emotion.
What is Anger?
Like other emotions, anger is accompanied by physiological and biological changes; when you get angry, your blood pressure and heart rate go up, as do the levels of your adrenaline, and noradrenaline.
You could be angry at a person or event, or it can be caused by worrying or brooding about your personal problems. Memories can also trigger angry feelings.
Expressing Anger
The instinctive way to express your anger is to respond aggressively. Anger is a response to threats; it inspires aggressive feelings and behaviours, when we are attacked. A certain amount of anger is necessary for your survival.
However, we can't lash out at every person or object that annoys us; laws, mores, and common sense place restraints on how far you can express your anger.
Expressing, suppressing, and calming
You use both conscious and unconscious processes to deal with your angry feelings. You may use expressing, suppressing, and calming. Expressing your angry feelings in an non-aggressive way is the healthiest way. You have to learn how to assert your needs, and how to get them, without hurting others. To be assertive doesn't mean to be pushy or demanding; it means to be respectful of yourself and others.
When Turned Inward
Anger can be suppressed, and converted or redirected. You may hold in your anger, stop thinking about it, and focus on something positive. Your aim is to suppress your anger and convert it into a constructive action. Your anger can turn inward—on yourself when it isn't allowed outward expression. When anger is turned inward it may cause high blood pressure, or depression.
Problems from Unexpressed Anger
Unexpressed anger can lead to pathological expressions of anger: passive-aggressive behavior or a perpetually cynical and hostile personality. Such people haven't learned how to constructively express their anger. They aren't likely to have many successful relationships.
Anger Management
The goal is to reduce both your emotional feelings and the physiological arousal that anger causes. You can't get rid of the things or the people that enrage you; but, you can learn to control your reactions.
Are You Too Angry?
The chances are good that if you do have a problem with anger, you already know it. If you seem out of control, you might need help finding better ways to deal with this emotion.
Should you "Let it All Hang Out?"
Research has found that "letting it all out" increases anger and aggression and does nothing to help you resolve your anger. It's best to find out what triggers your anger, and to develop strategies to keep those triggers from provoking you.
Do You Need Counseling?
Do you feel that your anger is out of control? Is it having an impact on your relationships and on important parts of your life? If so, you might consider counseling to learn how to handle it better and developa range of techniques for changing your behavior.
Tell your therapist that you have problems with anger. Make sure this isn't a course of action designed to "put you in touch with your feelings and express them". That may be what your problem is. With counseling, a highly angry person can move closer to a middle range of anger in about 8 to 10 weeks.
What About Assertiveness Training?
Most books and courses on developing assertiveness are aimed at people who don't feel enough anger. That isn't something that most angry people need.
You can't eliminate anger—and it wouldn't be a good idea if you could. Things will happen that will cause you anger; and sometimes it will be justifiable anger. You can change the way you let such events affect you. Controlling your anger can keep it from making you more unhappy in the long run.
